New Years Resolution: not to spontaneously vomit when I see a nutrisystem commercial with Valerie Bertinelli or that scary fox sports chick that claims she can catch a football. um yeah..because you’re a dude.
siddman: One of the bosses brought all his 6 kids to work! They have taken over the office! fucking mormons
it’s too early for stupid people
one nut faggot gets beard pregnant →
Kanye West and Jeremy Piven need to be executed:... →
Dad : “Nemo (our family morbidly-obese cat) gave me and Collette a Christmas present this morning wrapped in a bow” Me: really? What? Dad: “there was a foot long piece of Christmas ribbon in his shit, Collette found it when she scooped his pan” Dad: “the fat bastard has been eating all the presents under the goddamn tree”
“In lieu of a holiday gift, Prudential has made a donation to the NAILBA Charitable Foundation.” really? because when I googled “NAILBA” i didn’t see any charity mentioned. you cheap commie bastards. I WANT MY FUCKING GIFT BASKET!
Well, I have been studying for the GMAT for 3 weeks and I just took a practice test. I scored a 450. For those of you unfamiliar, that is the equivalent to vomiting on a scan-tron and handing it to the test proctor. I used to be so good at math until 10th grade when I discovered acid. Does John Jay college offer MBA’s?
Is it ok
antikris: to cancel a date because you cant be bothered to shower? two words: free meal
dazzlingdelta: so with the holidays come lots of opportunities to eat drink and be merry. unfortunately, these activities cause me to bloat. my biggest fear getting off the plane is my mom telling me my face looks puffy. any time i eat a lot of salt or go on a bender, my face gets puffy. so now thanks to the carb loading ive been doing i am mad scared to face my birther. argh. low carb week...
I love when I’m trying to be economical and I walk towards the subway only to find out that I was walking towards nowhere and now I have to take a cab back to brooklyn….fucking genius Matt
dazzlingdelta: 1. why does one wear scented lotion? 2. why does one love the opportunity to dress slutty? dick
Things NOT to do the morning after: Hog the sheets, it’s my bed and I will cut your dick off. Not brush your teeth or use my mouth wash and then try and make out with me – disgusting. I’m all for morning sex, but don’t put your mouth near mine. Talk, talk & talk about nothing, we had sex, we’re not married; in fact I probably never want to see you again. Ask for a robe..why? Aren’t you...
like shit-head father like son →
TV shows that used be okay, but now suck
kjohnson: I’ll start: Desperate Housewives Iron Chef
most humbling moment of my 30th birthday: 7 am: falling off my iron gym while doing pull-ups, apparently my apartment door frames are made out of paper mache
Jolie made me a birthday cake with a puerto rican on top! God she knows me
if you hate your job:
A): be thankful you have one in this economy B): pretend that it’s an internship
you have to take a test to drive, but any moron... →
if I had a twitter
I’d tell everyone that my pee smells like coffee!!
what a fucking moron →