May 2008
14 posts
what should I tell the surgeon?
“I want me face to look like a skull tightly wrapped in dark tan leather” or ” I want to look as young as a fetus clawing its way out of a placenta”
no one's really happy, some just fake it better...
My coworker is the same age as I am except: *He is married *He owns a house *He has his MBA *Is very good looking Me: *I’m good looking (in the correct lighting & under the proper influences) But guess what!! He’s still more miserable than me!! There is a god!! Yeah, I rent a shitty apartment in brooklyn and am pushing 30 with only an undergrad, but guess what…I can drink...
Don't ask questions you don't want to know the...
justsayjolie: “What is this sticky substance coating the top drawer of my bedside table?” It’s lube…I got the same thing..use white vinegar for removal
New Company Policy
COMPANY POLICY: EFFECTIVE JUNE 2008 DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress...
that poor toyota
Why do fat girls always drive small cars? Do they think it makes them look smaller? Do they think they’re fish and they’ll adapt to their surroundings? A Toyota Tercel with a 6700lb female driver almost clipped me on 40th & Broadway..I think she was trying to knock the gyro right out of my hand..I don’t think the Japanese intended for their smallest car to lug around the...
Oprah's book club...on meth
I was thinking of developing a new brand of book covers for when we read our Thomas Friedman’s and our Scott Patterson’s on the train..these book-covers would be made with a removable adhesive so upon finishing your book, you can take off the cover..I’m not a moron, I already know these exist, but these book covers would be special..They themselves would look like an actual book...
my kindof husband..
Reply to: pers-674443075@craigslist.org Date: 2008-05-09, 3:42PM I drive a taxi and deal with all the wonderful drunks of this fine town. I work twelve hour shifts and spend alot of time drivin. For several reasons, I no longer wish to transport the drunks and tourists and yuppie fucks of this city as i am looking to find another job. I pray daily that while in my taxi i don’t get maimed,...
dining room table for sale
Beautiful & Stunning solid Granite dining room table. Dark Gray stone with hints of silver and bronze sparkles. Hand carved by elves out a solid piece of stone during the Roman Empire, this table stands at 40” high with a diameter of 56”. This table also comes with 4 patented leather black chairs and a stylish yet useful “Lazy Susan”. Serious inquiries only (a.k.a. no poor people). ...
it's all you..
Oh no, you take the seat…you fat bitch…yeah I’m staring at you…when you pushed me aside to take the seat I’ve been standing in front of for the last 13 stops…and thanks for the whiff of your Burger King Value Menu breath when you said “scuse me” as your hoof panicked my delicate size 11 foot…I can’t be too mad though, if I looked like god took a shit and molded it into a human being, I guess...
Signs I require the touch of a human
justsayjolie: I passed on a threesome last night - it was a school night! and two guys/one girl feels like it’d be a lot of work for not enough reward! - saying that I had plans. I figured my propositioner needn’t know that my plans involved a Flexeril, my heating pad and a box of Hostess cupcakes. I think I should’ve taken him (them?) up on the offer because I capped off my exciting night with...
