Megan:Hi. How was your weekend? Do anything fun and exciting? I had Nicole’s bachelorette party on Saturday…it was fun. Then Sunday we had a Christening for Gavin’s cousins little baby boy Tanner. He is SO cute. Whats new with you? Me: I ate some babies this weekend and kicked a homeless person this morning for making eye contact
all of my coworkers: Matt! you gave all of us your cold from last week! Me: I licked all your phones
Baby news instantly makes any day awesome.
feistyred: My pregnant friend and I have been fighting over baby names. She tried to steal one of my baby names and thankfully, she just called to tell me she’s no longer considering it. I plan on having only one kid someday and there’s only one name I am using - people need to get their own. Be Careful! Women who have baby names picked out before they’re even married usually end up dying...
my office is decorated with rifles and... →
rodtownsend: So, say, if you were dating two people and your birthday was coming up would you a) Have a huge party so that you really had time for no one? b) Just forgo any events and hang with friends? c) Have a “here’s the deal” conversation with both of them? just defalte them both and hang with friends
me trying to sell my dad long term care insurance
me: “Hey Mel, Did you wanna buy long term care insurance?” dad: “the first time I shit the bed, just take me out to the woods and shoot me” me: “can I sell you life insurance?” Apparently my sales skills are useless against a man that wears a “Shit Happens” t-shirt that is covered in faux bird poop.
Antigay John McCain has a Gay Chief of Staff →
homophile: notthatkindagay: What does John McCain’s loyal chief of staff – a man who apparently is in a long-term relationship with another man, and appears to be open about it to John McCain — think about the fact that Sarah Palin devoutly worships at a church that promotes “converting” gays to heterosexuality? What, conversely, does she think of him? More importantly, what does John McCain...
The Zen of Drinking Alone →
siddman: getthefuckoutrightnow: zoee: This article makes me feel better about myself. “Drinking alone, on the other hand, is a much more pure and forthright form of imbibing, and I say that because it focuses entirely on the simple act of putting alcohol into your bloodstream. It tosses aside all the half-hearted pretensions about merely using alcohol as a social tool. It gets down to what...
jon: I’m starting to take Krav Maga (Israeli self defense). I’m thinking an aggressive Israeli beating me down will help my cardio needs. me: I want an aggressive israeli jon: I plan to pretend to be Palestinian, I like it rough.
oh matt lauer, why do you ask such silly... →
EW.com: Are the skinny starlets of '90210' setting... →
justsayjolie: Nicky sends this along - not only is a great piece on a topic I care quite a lot about, but also the reporting is stellar. I hope every one of these talentless bitches drops dead of an eating disorder
decrypting messages from men
works is crazy this week, let’s touch base next week: means I’m not interested, no one puts their work before sex me 2- response given when texted: I had a great time last night: means we’re not having sex again. did you want to meet up for a quick drink after work?: means will you blow me in the restroom at Ulysses and then I’m gonna meet my buddies for beer pong no...
lehman lays →
(via dazzlingdelta) investment bankers do it better..yeah baby..pound that insider information out of me
Like a good Leaguer, I plan to drink heavily while...
justsayjolie: Did I mention that one of the ingredients is shortening? Yeah, we’ve got that in the house. I blame Matt*, he’s from Florida. (Also you twoare the awesome. A big jsj pom pom wave in your directions!) *Actually I blame KatieBakes. um…the shortening is not for baking, hence the finger marks
like hunting in a zoo.. →
dazzlingdelta: whats a good way to say you were fired in a job interview? or better yet a good way to dodge the question? I was transferred outside the company..
Report: Among men who sleep with men, HIV hits... →
(via homophile) Unfortunately this report is not surprising..there are a number of gay men (of all races) that no longer care if they get HIV, some men even look to get infected (“bug chasers”) because they figure they only have to take six pills a day and they’ll live a normal life. Once infected, many doctors will legally prescribe their patients steroids or HGH to...
Soyjoy commercials make me want to commit suicide
I went on a “date” last night and these were the topics of discussion: his Adui TT his Movado watch his new iphone his coach wallet the fact that he has never lived in an apartment without central air conditioning or a dishwasher and guess who paid for dinner since he left his Am ex at home in another wallet
broker: my client needs additional life insurance me: How old is your client and is he in good health? broker: yeah, he’s 40 years old, 6’4” 220 lbs, he’s a staten island firefighter and looks like an adonis but what do I know.. me: boner voice in my head: is he single?
No questions, please; Palin sticks to her script →
funtime: “But none of the candidates in this race has been so shielded from the media, so protected from any spontaneous situation, and Palin’s unvarying remarks give the impression that she and her message are being tightly controlled. As before her convention speech, McCain’s campaign is briefing Palin for her first TV interview.” It’s because she has nothing to back up her overly scripted...